Friday, July 19, 2013

(I Really Tried to be) The Best Mom Ever

Yesterday was the big day.  The surgery day.  It would seem that the parents involved had a much more difficult time than the child actually having the operation.  I guess that is not surprising.  After all she had Turtle Power, we didn't. My daughter out of her mind on Versed and anesthesia is something I never want to see again for as long as I live.  But, we got through it.  She was home by yesterday afternoon.  Destroying a giant pan of mac and cheese by yesterday evening.  She's still in pain, but according to her "I've taken medicine for 4 months.  I'm not taking any more."  So no pain killers.  She's kind of a bad ass.

She got completely spoiled rotten from our friends and family yesterday.  New dresses, books, coloring books, flowers, cookies, candies...We tried to spoil her too.  I say tried, because thus far I have failed to follow through with our spoiling.  But it's not due to a lack of effort.

The only thing she wanted in the aftermath of the surgery was the new Crayola Marker Maker.  (Thank you so much Disney Channel for playing that commercial 938456984596 times a day.  You're the best!)  So, we went out last night to get her one.  Toys R Us doesn't carry them.  We went to Target.  Nope.  Looked online to discover it is a Wal-Mart exclusive.  Awesome.

 Something you may not know about me:  I believe, while Wal-Mart may not be the root of all evil, it is definitely one of them.  It is the worst place imaginable.  I would rather be locked overnight in a Claire's Boutique with 50 bedazzled tweens, high on cheap nail polish fumes, screeching about One Direction, while listening to dubstep, than have to step foot in a Wal-Mart.  But I love my daughter.  And I promised her the marker maker.

Is this really worth the trouble?  Probably not.
This afternoon, I called to confirm that they were fully stocked with marker makers.  Then I loaded the girl in the car and drove to the arm pit of Los Angeles to the soulless retail giant with high hopes of being named "the best mom ever!"

Everything about the trip was a mistake.  Even Siri didn't want me to go there, as she gave me the wrong directions several times.  We finally found it, and after walking the gauntlet of aggressive panhandlers, made it inside.  It was everything I knew it would be.  Hell on earth.

We put our heads down and muscled through to the toy section.  No marker makers.  We tried the back-to-school Crayola section.  None there either.  We asked for assistance from several people who didn't speak English or were just rude.  (Some of both, I think.)  We finally found someone to take us to the stationery department, where they kept the shelves "fully stocked" with marker makers.  Except there were absolutely no marker makers.

The girl was disappointed, but settled on a $3 dress, which I'm fairly certain was handmade by Chinese orphans in a one room shack with a dirt floor for 19 cents per month.  I feel a little guilty about it, but my daughter looks so cute in coral.

We left Wal-Mart the same way we came, through the obstacle course of panhandlers and methed out homeless ladies who were probably 23, but looked more like 90.  Drove all over the place, because Siri refused to get her shit together, and because I am unfamiliar with the Arm Pit, Los Angeles area.  We finally made it back home after an hour in the car.  

We have decided to order the marker maker online, and possibly never leave the house again.  And it's all because Crayola decided to sell a Wal-Mart exclusive.  At least The Spider Saga is over...

No comments:

Post a Comment